Let Go or be Dragged

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   "Let go or be dragged."

ZEN PROVERB

“The Zen teaching of non-attachment is very similar to the teaching of Taoism. The Tao Te Ching, an ancient Taoist classic, says, “when the sage walks, he leaves no footprints behind." What does this mean? It does not mean that when the Taoist sage goes for a walk one would never be able to find the imprints of his feet on the ground. The sage is human like us, and so he has footprints.

“What the statement means is that in his journey through life the sage leaves no traces of desire and attachment clinging to him as he lives from moment to moment. Life is following, always changing, and the sage never looks back to the moment which has sped by, nor does he look forward to the moment which lies ahead. Rather, he lives in the present, flowing along in harmony with the rhythm of life, appreciating each moment for what it is worth and allowing it to pass on quickly to be replaced by the next.” –THICH THIEN AN

Letting go of things both physically and mentally is not easy. When was the last time you had planned something that turned out exactly as you expected or when was the last time you met someone and your first impression of them was unchanged after you got to know them.

I had this wonderful idea of how sailing would be on the beautiful San Francisco Bay. We'd be drinking champagne, telling funny stories, and enjoying the view with friends. I had been thinking about this sail for a number of weeks and the more I thought about it the more I clung to the story I created. But, it ended up not being the story I had written but one much different. I got soaked early on by waves crashing into the side of the boat and the sea was rough enough where I had to use both hands to hang on at all times making it nearly impossible to hold a cup or take any pictures.

Yes, it sounds like I'm complaining but it made me think of how often I grasp onto the way I think things should be, so much so that the slightest deviation makes me either upset or disappointed. Case in point, the cancer. I was really blindsided by the whole thing. I was sure that I would grow old and in my 80's and be shuffling around some small garden marvelling as I always do when the weather gets warm and plants dormant all winter begin to grow and that every evening I would sit on the porch and have my gin from a blue bottle. I'm disappointed and a lot of the time very frustrated that it's not going to happen that way.

Clinging to notions is like Velcro. Once it starts to stick if left unimpeded will come together and require huge effort to separate. The lesson then is that at the moment you feel you are beginning to create your story of how things should be is the easiest and sometimes the only opportunity to let go.

So now I get to wake up each day and say to myself I feel good and I get the whole day to enjoy. I'll do my best to not cling to notions or stories of how things should be and to let things unfold as they will and take notice of each moment.

The Dali Lama said the space between how we think things should be and how they really are is where suffering lives.

Brothers and Sisters

The last time I blogged with any regularity was on the 2009 Erickson Dolomite cycling trip. It consumed me and I felt like it robbed me of time to just sit, read, and write in my journal. Part of the issue was getting reliable Internet access.  I’m going to try again because I want to chronicle my journey from here on out. I’m not sure why I want to do this other than somehow create a small bit of immortality for myself at least in the cyber world. Maybe several generations down the road will find this blog and it will tell a story they need to hear.

I suspect that some of the writing I do will be difficult both to write and to read. I see some rough spots in the road ahead but maybe with some thinking and writing about my experience that when they come I will be light enough and I wont feel them.

I recently had a wonderful experience with my brothers and sisters. We were in Hawaii for a family reunion thanks to the efforts of my sister Deb and her husband Neil with backing from my Mom (she provided the condos and assisted with airline expenses and took us all to a spectacular luau experience). This was all arranged prior to my diagnosis of prostate cancer.

The five of us took a morning and exclusive of spouses and children sat on the beach and talked about our family experience. To the point, we talked about how our parents and grandparents had impacted our lives and the struggles that we have all had as a consequence. I thought about this gathering and conversation we had as I was reading from “Dying Well”.

“Patients who died most peacefully and families who felt enriched by the passing of a loved one tended to be particularly active in terms of their relationships and discussions of personal and spiritual matters. These families in particular also seemed to be involved in the person’s physical care. In the broadest sense, it was as if dying from a progressive illness had provided them with opportunities to resolve and complete their relationships and to get their affairs in order.  Byock MD, Ira (1998-03-01). Dying Well (p. 31). Penguin Group US. Kindle Edition.

Now I’m not going to make this all about “me and my story” but this is my blog so…

I took a couple of things away from this and one of them was about love. True love is unconditional. It doesn’t have any agenda, goal, or payback. There is no end point.

“As First Cause, what God sourced into being was the ever-expanding changeless Love of God. Being Love, this is all God could extend because you can only give away what you are, have and be. Unconditional Love can only expand and extend outwardly remaining constantly perfect, whole and complete. Time measures change. Unconditional Love is changeless  and, therefore, is timeless.” Wakechild, Thomas (2011-03-02). A Course In Miracles for Dummies (Kindle Locations 6822-6824). Bay West Centre LLC. Kindle Edition.

How do we know the difference between love and unconditional love? Try unconditional love and you will know.

The other thing I know is how important forgiveness is as a requirement for being able to tap into the infinite love of God as our energy source. Again from “A Course In Miracles for Dummies”.

“The law of God is that what you give, you will receive. Give forgiveness to your brother and you get forgiveness to yourself. All the parts of the Sonship (Christ) are connected. Just as the Sonship (Christ) is one with the Father, we are united as one with Christ. There is just one self.”

We are constantly judging everything. This is good. That is bad. The thing we judge the most is ourselves and the majority of the time we find ourselves guilty. If your guilty then you need to be punished. That punishment comes in many subtle and not so subtle ways.  We turn to drugs, alcohol, eating (good or bad diets), exercise, cleanliness, disorder, depression, worry. The biggest punishment we dole out is telling ourselves we are not worthy to be loved.

The encouraging thing I realized is that we are all moving our lives and relationships a tooth of the cog forward, which is wonderfully hopeful. Reflect on your reality now versus the perceived reality you had 10, 20, or 30 years ago.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but to merely seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”  -- Rumi