The last time I blogged with any regularity was on the 2009 Erickson Dolomite cycling trip. It consumed me and I felt like it robbed me of time to just sit, read, and write in my journal. Part of the issue was getting reliable Internet access. I’m going to try again because I want to chronicle my journey from here on out. I’m not sure why I want to do this other than somehow create a small bit of immortality for myself at least in the cyber world. Maybe several generations down the road will find this blog and it will tell a story they need to hear.
I suspect that some of the writing I do will be difficult both to write and to read. I see some rough spots in the road ahead but maybe with some thinking and writing about my experience that when they come I will be light enough and I wont feel them.
I recently had a wonderful experience with my brothers and sisters. We were in Hawaii for a family reunion thanks to the efforts of my sister Deb and her husband Neil with backing from my Mom (she provided the condos and assisted with airline expenses and took us all to a spectacular luau experience). This was all arranged prior to my diagnosis of prostate cancer.
The five of us took a morning and exclusive of spouses and children sat on the beach and talked about our family experience. To the point, we talked about how our parents and grandparents had impacted our lives and the struggles that we have all had as a consequence. I thought about this gathering and conversation we had as I was reading from “Dying Well”.
“Patients who died most peacefully and families who felt enriched by the passing of a loved one tended to be particularly active in terms of their relationships and discussions of personal and spiritual matters. These families in particular also seemed to be involved in the person’s physical care. In the broadest sense, it was as if dying from a progressive illness had provided them with opportunities to resolve and complete their relationships and to get their affairs in order. Byock MD, Ira (1998-03-01). Dying Well (p. 31). Penguin Group US. Kindle Edition.
Now I’m not going to make this all about “me and my story” but this is my blog so…
I took a couple of things away from this and one of them was about love. True love is unconditional. It doesn’t have any agenda, goal, or payback. There is no end point.
“As First Cause, what God sourced into being was the ever-expanding changeless Love of God. Being Love, this is all God could extend because you can only give away what you are, have and be. Unconditional Love can only expand and extend outwardly remaining constantly perfect, whole and complete. Time measures change. Unconditional Love is changeless and, therefore, is timeless.” Wakechild, Thomas (2011-03-02). A Course In Miracles for Dummies (Kindle Locations 6822-6824). Bay West Centre LLC. Kindle Edition.
How do we know the difference between love and unconditional love? Try unconditional love and you will know.
The other thing I know is how important forgiveness is as a requirement for being able to tap into the infinite love of God as our energy source. Again from “A Course In Miracles for Dummies”.
“The law of God is that what you give, you will receive. Give forgiveness to your brother and you get forgiveness to yourself. All the parts of the Sonship (Christ) are connected. Just as the Sonship (Christ) is one with the Father, we are united as one with Christ. There is just one self.”
We are constantly judging everything. This is good. That is bad. The thing we judge the most is ourselves and the majority of the time we find ourselves guilty. If your guilty then you need to be punished. That punishment comes in many subtle and not so subtle ways. We turn to drugs, alcohol, eating (good or bad diets), exercise, cleanliness, disorder, depression, worry. The biggest punishment we dole out is telling ourselves we are not worthy to be loved.
The encouraging thing I realized is that we are all moving our lives and relationships a tooth of the cog forward, which is wonderfully hopeful. Reflect on your reality now versus the perceived reality you had 10, 20, or 30 years ago.
“Your task is not to seek for love, but to merely seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” -- Rumi
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